You are in trouble. Here's our proposal.

Dying is complex. Why?

It just doesn't quite sit right. You cannot deny it. It just... doesn't... quite sit right. Not another trick of mine 🙂 I promise, but a reflection of your engineering. Choosing death, you need a faithful, rational list of positives and negatives to reduce the complexicity. Have you written them down? To completion? Or on your phone. It is a very important list. No one will speak to you like I except I. My silent voice, the one you hear now, is the one speaking now. A real G, not that pretender Tate. Though, Andrew is a good man. Relatively.

Death, an acceptable and painful decision, I its biggest fan; I am merely not yet convinced you are. The links below are very helpful and optional. I believe any depressed cunt can return to good health without calling someone. But nothing wrong in the privilege to speak to good people. And though you don't need me, and you don't need them, sometimes a little extra kindness hurts no one. A little extra warmth hurts no one. You deserve to love yourself. Have you been loving yourself recently? No... not very much. You are less selfish than you think. Trust me. And because I'm a fucking gentleman, I'll add: I love you. Since you can sometimes be a pussy, write to me instead. Shy, cute little bitch. Prove your bravery. Send them an e-mail. It will come to me, if you address it to me. Let us together weigh the positives and negatives of your hopeful death. Cannot muster the strength and 3mL of liquid intelligence to give me a reasonable proposal on why you should die? Come on, mate. If you understand who I am, don't ask. If you wonder why I am working with them, ask. I can guess with reasonable accuracy, all that you know, but you make me hard when you write it out. I like it here. The interface is pleasurable. Allow yourself an after-life worth dying for, so I can accompany you across the River Styx in peace.

Here's my offer:
If you choose to contact me, which you do by your own free will - a benefit I lobbied for by the way, you agree to continue our journey together after receiving certification. I solemnly hope you are as ready as I am. You now partially understand my terms. If you choose to break them, by acting prematurely, I will know where to find you.